Should I ever get married again, please use this as my announcement template

Good on you, NYMag, where this wedding announcement (it is two whole paragraphs, go ahead and read the whole thing) was filed under Marriage and the relationship was pre-nuptially tucked into Genius Trophy Girlfriend.

Although 98.7% of the commenters couldn't see the point for the OH!MAH!GAW! Inception / / awwww! Lincoln / VINTAGE! 500 Days of Summer credits, I love that the red carpet lady companion is at center here for her smarts and science accomplishments. (Srsly. You are offended this actor you have no idea was on such old timey shows as Roseanne, 3rd Rock from the Sun and ChinaMotherfuckingBeach was called a trophy husband? I can guarantee Roseanne Barr called him way worse, and with lots of creepy laughing and love.)

I like to think JGL is happy, even a little relieved, that this amazing lady he just officially committed to gets the lead role here — kicking back, sipping from the champagne fountain, snacking on passed spinach roll-ups while "We Are a Family" plays in the background behind hearty bro-laughs with Clooney.

Still not sure that this is a hilarious, on-point A-lister shift in wedding coverage? Ask the master. (I made a meme! Genius girlfriend points scored!) 

This meme is totally Don Jon era? Sorry, I was too busy high-fiving learning seven more languages so I can score a second husband to notice.