Apparently, I've arrived at that point in life where I don't recognize 80% of the people in People. And I can't decide whether or not to care.
This Week Endings begins with an uncoupler we all know too well (we'll get to the people from Sons of Anarchy or season 897 of The Bachelor or whatever next).
Chris Martin was sighted at a fast food restaurant, allowing his kids to shovel "handfuls of fries" into their mouths, according to a celebrity spotter. I can't rant or snark about this nearly as well as was done on Jezebel, so head over there for commentary on that scene. Then, let's all envision Gwynnie gulping out the stress via green smoothies and Mala bead incantations. Yeahhhh, co-parenting.
Kimye is getting married in Paris this weekend, in case you haven't been reading the hourly text alerts. While some local DJs in my city held a contest to predict how long that marriage will last, I choose not to participate in that kind of hex. Instead, I just breathe a sigh of relief that, with these nuptials, we may never, ever have to hear Kris Humphries speak on camera again, please, I pray, Baby Jesus.
Katharine McPhee, American Idol alum from the days when people (like me, I admit it) still dialed in to vote for the winner of that show, filed papers from husband of six years, Nick Cokas. McPhee and Cokas had been separated for several months when she was caught on film kissing Smash director Michael Morris. After that dick move, Morris reportedly reconciled with his wife of 11 years and McPhee supposedly told a source who told a goss mag that she was embarrassed about the whole ordeal. No kidding. Who knows if that or some other ongoing stuff, as happens with couples, sealed the deal on the divorce, but here's hoping everyone involved is now able to move on or move back in their family home happily.
Some North Irish golfer guy named Rory McIlroy got teary over his break-up with some Danish tennis pro named Caroline Wozniacki. McIlroy told the press that he was going through a "very, very difficult time" after ending the relationship once the invitations hit the post box. No judgments for calling it off before the wedding, at least from me, but I'd be pretty peeved if I was Wozniacki's mama watching him wah-wah after a PGA event. Regardless, Wozniacki's tweets thanking people for support spurred a lovely reply from Serena Williams, who typed, "I'll always walk with you." With Williams by Wozniacki's side and a wavering ex-fiance weepy with the press, I feel like this athlete I've never heard of before is going to be just fine. Annnnnd, that's a lot more opinion than I intended to give on people featured in People I wouldn't recognize if they were in front of me in line at Trader Joe's.
In much lovelier news, Melanie Lynskey, who looks vaguely familiar and I guess is in Two and a Half Men, ended her marriage with Jimmi Simpson, from another show I've never, ever seen, Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Before you judge me for not watching what everyone obviously thinks is hilariiii TV (Always Sunny, not Two and a Half, obv), take note that the two settled their divorce without attorneys. For serious. TMZ, the weird uncles who know everything like this first, report that they called on a mediator to arrange the no-spousal-support agreement that included a bit about not taking "unfair advantage" of each other whilst divvying up the assets. Here's the interesting part: They filed for divorce in 2012. Ponder that - and the possibilities of a real, live, adult-acting, nice-like split. So, whoever you are, kindly divorcing actors, best wishes and please do make that "we're totally still friends now" break-up unicorn come true! (I mean that. Really.)