My divorce attorney tells me that she can't believe I am where I am today.
It's not an insult. It's completely understandable, given who I was and where I was on the day I first walked into her office. I'd already cried most of my makeup away before I sat down at her intimidating conference room table. My whole body was in shock, and I was running on caffeine and a few inadequate hours of nightmare-riddled sleep. I was dressed in the most professional outfit I could pull together, but it was a far cry from the pulled-together and polished look I would have had only weeks earlier.
I was a woman in distress.
My marriage had been leveled in less than a month. We'd been struggling, but when an earthquake of infidelity, emotional and financial abuse, blame and other bad stuff shook our family home, I fled with my son. I told the people around me that I felt like my limbs were being torn from my body. I could only hold it together for short periods of time, a resolve I saved when I was with my child. I needed to be rescued. I needed to rescue myself. I could barely stand.
How I felt wasn't the only thing that was in need of repair.
I was earning $20,000 a year as a part-time blogger, furiously tapping away at my computer during late-nights and nap times and trying to out-earn the babysitter when I could afford one. We were in collections for $6 bills and owed money on credit cards I'd never opened. The money in our marital account had been wiped clean and an attorney would cost $350-$425 per hour.
"You need to get a job. A good job. That pays a lot," the lawyer told me bluntly. She shares now that she wasn't sure I was up to the task.
I was. A few months later, I landed a dream editorial job working for the biggest women's website online, making more money than I dreamed I could as a freelancer. With that, came a lovely brand new apartment. Lots of yoga, adventures in dating, sushi, beautiful boots that helped me walk powerfully into a room. There was therapy and Real Housewives binges in delightful silence, trips with my favorite ladies and my first attempts at running.
I thrived. All on my own. But not by myself.
Sure, there was also sobbing. And court dates (so many court dates). There was plenty of anger and grief and worrying like crazy whenever my son was with his other parent. I locked myself out of my home (regularly) and gave too much time and too many dates to some real assholes. There was weight loss because of worry, there was sprawling on the couch because of exhaustion, there were text streams and screaming voice mails from the person I was (still) divorcing, saved for legal purposes. There were mistakes I own. It was not all perfect, not always pretty.
The attorney's instructions to get a job stuck in my brain, as more than legal advice, more than a feminist rally cry for the empowerment and independence of one woman at a time. Yes, she told me to get a job with a fat paycheck. But what I heard was to make my own damn life.
I needed her (and her direct directions), just like I needed my dad, who attended that meeting and every single legal appointment, court date and strategy session I've had in the ten years since I filed for divorce.
I needed my therapist (confidential to her: you are never allowed to retire).
And the yoga teacher who patted my shoulder lovingly while I cried on a mat in the back of class for weeks on end.
I needed the financial guy who helped me set up my first life insurance policy and figure out how to save for retirement without a single drop of 401K.
And the tax pro who filed my first single-head of household paperwork.
I needed the friends who listened to all my venting and then passed me a self-help book/glass of wine/registration for a 5K.
I needed the OB/GYN who insisted I get tested for STIs I never dreamed as a married lady I'd be vulnerable to getting, and then checked in on my mental, physical and emotional well-being.
There was so much I needed, and even more than that, I NEEDED SO MANY PEOPLE.
But you know who I needed that I didn't have?
Who would have helped me make the transition to a happier, healthier, bigger life much sooner? Who would have saved me buckets of money in attorney fees? Who would have helped me preserve the friendships I wore the eff out by talking about my divorce, the ex and the tragedies of online dating?
Who would have helped me
- get organized
- trust my instincts more often
- creatively problem-solve
- communicate better (and better, sooner) with the person I hated most in that moment
- make all of the self-care my body and brain needed a more consistent practice
- with guidance, perspective and care that comes out of personal and professional experience
- by being there when I was totally alone or scared or spinning or victorious and lit up with pride
- stay focused, positive and my most amazing self
- see the light out of the chaos?
A divorce coach. She would have done all of that.
I had a strong circle of support, and I know now – all these years later – how much more powerful it would have been with the right divorce coach with me through those months.
I know that divorce coaches have the skill and honor of walking women to and through divorce.
I know that the perfect-fit divorce coach can help divorcing moms save money on those same hourly attorney fees that once scared the hell out of me.
I know that a divorce coach can help the work women do with therapists and the pilates practice they're committed to.
I know that a divorce coach is the big boost of EMERGEN-C that every mom needs while going through (or even considering) a big life and relationship transition.
I know that it is GOLD to have a champion who you can always text and set up one-on-one time with, who will guide you out-of-the-box thinking and problem-solving, who will give you solid advice and opportunities to think clearly and call up your own magic. That is a divorce coach.
I know this because it is what I needed. And what I've since heard many of you say you wish you had or need right this minute.
This is why I have answered my own call (and your calls, too) to serve women like you who are walking to an attorney's office today, distraught and alone and out of touch with their own amazingness. And so, this is why...
I am now open for business as your divorce coach.
I'm now a Certified Divorce Coach, fully trained and taking clients who need the right woman in their own circle of support. I am here to get help you take hold of your own happier, healthier, bigger life as you move to and through divorce into the big possibilities of your life as a woman and a kickass single mom.
I've created a program specifically for moms who are considering or going through divorce, or who are still feeling ravaged by it long after the ink dries on the paperwork.
Want to work with me one on one?
Schedule a complimentary call with me so I can hear exactly where you are and create a plan so you start thriving right now.
So that people around you are WOWED by what you're doing and how YOU you are.
So that you feel your very best self shining – no matter what is happening in your life, how your circumstances are changing, what chaos is swirling or where you are going.
I can't wait to meet you. No matter what today looks like (or you look like today), your future is blazing bright. We are going to move you toward all that brilliance, together.